"hey do you want to hang out tonight?"
"we’ll have food"
I had set aside 15 hours just to study and mostly finish an assignment worth 40% of my grade.
Day starts off with my mother’s 12 year old cat who she loves more than life itself to the Vet because it was sick.
She gets how within an hour and is in tears because the prognosis is bad. Now I’m torn between comforting my crying mother and finish an assignment that is due that night. I comfort my mother until she calms down.
I selfishly go back to my assignment whilst checking in on her to see if she is handling it alright.
We get a phone call at about 2pm saying it’s most likely the cat has a tumour and that he is on his last legs but he needs blood tests just to be sure. We get the blood tests, from then on my mother is too distraught to answer the phone so I take that responsibility.
I go back to study and write this Assignment I’m nearly half way through by now and I get the phone call. On speaker phone we go through the options and eventually decide that the cat will get an operation and if the diagnosis is too bad he will be put to sleep on the operating table.
We then head off to the Vet to see him for what would end up being the last time we see this lovely cat alive. My mother is in tears, we say our goodbyes and I try and stay strong because she needs someone to and because I’m capable of it.
We get home and 20 minutes later after getting optimistic we are told the cancer has spread and he would need to be put to sleep. Again my mother is distraught. The cat had abdominal cancer, something that is ridiculously rare in his breed and cats in general. He was in perfect health otherwise and it happened so suddenly she lost her favourite creature without the chance to appreciate the time she had left.
She’s completely inconsolable at this point and I can’t get back to my assignment. I eventually calm her down enough after an hour or so and set about digging the hole. I’ve never buried a pet before so I have no idea how big to dig the hole so I ring my uncle who did it last time we lost a pet 12 years ago. I go and dig the hole, then I come back inside check my mother and go back to writing my assignment with like 3 hours left to do the last 40% of the essay.
I knuckle down and smash it out like I never have before. I’ve smashed out assignments quickly before but this was kind of decent instead of trash. I eventually finish but I’m 10 minutes past the submission time line and I’m locked out.
Right now I’m sad and distraught and afraid I’m going to fail my subject for trying to balance two different things. I’ve emailed my course co-ordinator but I have no idea if they’ll accept that my mother’s cat died as a reasonable excuse for being 10 minutes late.
So I just feel like a shitty person and a shitty failure all at once.
This day can just go fuck itself.